Friday, June 17, 2011

Рецепт недели четыре

That's right!

It's the Recipe of the Week - IN RUSSIAN.

This one's for you, Peridot.

The Soviets are taking over and, believe me, you'll like what they're bringing.

It's time to get down with the (former) Communist Par-tayyy with Recipe of the Week 4.

I'm a dork.

God I love the ROTW gal.

Adapted to be super healthy and low-cal from this recipe.


Ha, take that boyfriend. I can take pictures of you holding ingredients, too.
1 1/2 lbs 97% Lean Ground Turkey
1 Yellow or White Onion, finely chopped
A fuck ton of minced garlic, to taste
1 teaspoon salt
Black pepper (also a fuck ton if you want it to be good), to taste
Dried Dill Weed, to taste
1 cup Low Sodium Chicken Broth
1 tablespoon Smart Balance 50/50 Butter
1 cup Reduced Fat Shredded Cheese (we used "Fiesta" blend because fusion cuisine is hot right now. RuskyMex. It'll happen.)

1 (.25 ounce) package active dry yeast
1/4 cup warm water
1 cup milk
3 eggs
1/2 cup Smart Balance Omega 3 Cooking Oil
2 tablespoons granulated sugar
1 teaspoon salt
approximately 4.5 cups all-purpose flour


In a greased pan (use Pam, ya turkeys!), begin sauteeing the onions and minced garlic. Add in the ground turkey and cook over medium heat until the turkey is fully cooked. Because the filling is already cooked and then baked in dough, you don't want it to be too dry. Add the chicken broth and Smart Balance butter blend and simmer until the broth is absorbed in the turkey. Then add the salt, pepper, and dried dill weed to taste.

Yeah, I Picnik pictures of food I'm cooking. Who cares if it makes it seem alien and blue...?
Now it's time to let the filling cool so that it doesn't make weird bubbles in your dough. Set the pan aside and let cool while you MAKE SOME GODDAMNED DOUGH.

This is the fun part. And the messy part. Hence, the fun part.

I have also never made dough from scratch before making this recipe... so all of these directions come directly from the original recipe. I don't trust myself to describe this process accurately, haha.

Dissolve the yeast in the 1/4 cup of warm water and place in a warm location until frothy, about 10 to 15 minutes. In a medium saucepan over low heat, warm the milk and gently whisk in the eggs, oil, sugar and salt.

Remove from heat.

Place half the flour in a large mixing bowl and gradually stir in the milk mixture. Then add the yeast solution alternately with the remaining flour, stirring after each addition. Mix well. Knead until the dough forms a ball and does not stick to the bowl. (Note: Start with the 4 cups of flour. You may need to add more, a little at a time, as you knead the dough). 

Knead it like a happy, sleepy kitten.
Cover the bowl with a clean cloth. Set in a warm location and allow to rise until doubled in volume.

Remove dough from bowl and place on a lightly floured surface. Pinch off pieces approximately the size of golf balls. Roll the pieces into disks about 3 1/2 to 4 inches in diameter.

I have attractive old lady hands. And perfect dough-ball-making skills.
Okay, now that you've gotten your hands dirty and have made the dough and a billion little discs - you get to fill your pre-Piroshkis. They're currently just sperm and egg. The filling has yet to meet the dough and make a little Piroshki fetus. Then you, uh, put the bun in the oven and out comes the finished Piroshki. Oh... Punny.

Sprinkle the middle of your dough disc with shredded cheese. Then take a heaping tablespoon of the cooled filling and put it in the middle of the disc. 

Look at the beautiful bottle of Milk of Mag hiding in the background. ;)
Fold the disc in half so that the dough edges meet and pinch together. At this point, you're basically assembling a Russian Empanada. Your finished, pre-baked, Piroshkis should look like this:

Little pockets of joy!
Then pop the suckers into the oven at 400 degrees F for 17 - 18 minutes. Suddenly, your pre-Piroshkis turn into BIG PAPA PIROSHKIS.

The oven has magic Hulk-ifying abilities when it comes to cooking Piroshkis.

How to Serve

This recipe makes a ridiculous amount, which is appropriate because the work involved is kind of ridiculous as well. You can expect upwards of 30 little pockets of joy. Literally pockets of joy. They taste like Russian Hot Pockets - my entire family agreed.

We took them to brunch the next day and brushed them with egg white for glossiness and topped them with more shredded cheese and minced garlic and baked them to reheat and melt the cheese. They were a hit.

You can also have them at a party. They're a great hand-held food and the recipe makes so many, it's kind of a waste to make them for yourself. Unless you're in a serious binging mood...

The boyfriend enjoys them with sour cream. Do not doubt him when it comes to Russian food. The sour cream is good, my friends.

Nutritional Information

They're not horrible for you. They're not necessarily super low-cal either.... But if you're having a party, these are a safe thing to make, allocate 2 per guest, and have 2 yourself and not feel like you ate a cow. 

Plus, they're rather filling. Again, they're like Hot Pockets. I had 3 for a meal and was satisfied. 

But they are weirdly addictive. I think it's because they're Russian.

Be careful, my friends.

And for those of you who have previously commented and complimented my cooking skills, my ventures in the kitchen don't always end in success. I tried making Vegetarian Egg Rolls for a ROTW contender and ended with this. It was not a fun time, haha.

A bientôt, lovelies.



  1. That looks so scrummy! Your boyf. is scrummy, too! You guys are so cute in the kitchen!

    The only Russian recipe I have is for tea cakes. Sad, 'cause my great-grammy was Russian.

    Thanks so much for the awesome advice, I'm getting lazy about food. Bad, I know. I'm so tired of battling! I can only say that getting old sucks! I really don't recommend it at all, it's a nasty business! Love you. <3. XXX.

  2. P.S. I, too, adore Cat power! Take a look:

    There will be more I'm sure! Rock on, sista! <3. XXX.

  3. Those look absolutely delicious!
    I am so hungry now, haha!
    Om nom nom nom. :D
    I hope you had a fantastic day today; you deserve it!
    Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

  4. OH. MY GODS.


    I know what I'm going to be having for dinner on payday! Haven't made dough from scratch since I was 11, this could be "interesting"

    I fucking LOVE telling Soviet Russia jokes ^.^;
    In Soviet Russia, game lose you!
    In Soviet Russia, president assassinate you!
    That's all that springs to mind right now >.<

    *Glomps* You're fucking AWESOME!! Get your guy to hug you till your ribs creak, since I can't reach that sodding far :p

    LOVEYOU!!!!! <3