Hey, uh, you've got some cabbage on your cabbage. - ROTW 2

So today I leave for Chicago with the boyfriend, marking a hiatus from Blogger and my internet addiction until after Memorial Day.

While I'm gone, I've got a new recipe for you lovelies to try out.

That's right. It's the...

Oooh, take it off. Take it all off!

So. I had an appointment with the dreaded orthodontist from hell today.

It was terrifying, as per usual, but for significantly different reasons.

Tornado season is upon us!

I was obsessively checking the weather reports all morning to see if there was any expected scary weather in the town where my orthodontist appointments are.

All was well until about an hour before my appointment when tornadoes attack the city.

Awwwwwwwwwww.
I'm sure it was nothing like this. Nor would I want it to be.
Barf.

I call to reschedule and they couldn't fit me in until June 5th. WTF. No.

So instead I....

Epic Quests through Epic Weather

Today, the boyfriend and I dropped off the car we're taking to Chicago at the auto-shop so that they could do an assessment and see what needs to be fixed before we drive endlessly in it.

Hungry children that we were, we trekked a mile and half to go to the Chinese restaurant nearby. At least this time I didn't go crazy on the "Curry Chicken"-fries and instead just got egg drop soup in order to comply with my liquid diet.

Just before we left, I whipped out my phone, brought up Endomondo, and prepared to get my exercise statistic addiction fed.

Then we walked outside. Into a fucking Midwestern hurricane.

Fuck you, Midwest. I'll bring torrential rains and enough wind to plant fucking palm trees on your ass.

Spiraling Down the Path of Binge Drinking

Oh, I've been a lazy Blogger.

Tsk, tsk, tsk!

And by that I mean, I've been obsessively checking Blogger on my phone for comments and such and have been completely neglecting reading your blogs and writing new posts because I've been.....

Drunkorexia! now with laxative abuse fun!

I apologize in advance for the fairly low-quality pics in this post. I was drunk for most of the night and didn't find my camera until the latter part of the evening, so most of these were taken off my phone. Facepalm.

Yesterday started out as a normal day. Waking up late, going to class, eating fast food, getting extremely depressed because the pharmacy failed to refill my prescriptions on time.

mood: apathetic.

I resigned to laying on the bed all evening, a slug in woman's clothing. The boyfriend left for a while - came back prepared to do battle, a bottle of Smirnoff in tow.

Salvation.

Peridot, you said you wanted some authentic Rusky recipes - check out my food blog for an awesome Vodka and self-pity based recipe of tragedy. ;) I'll post some real recipes for you sometime as well, I promise. ♥

After getting thoroughly drunk, I do what I always do. DRUNK BAKING.

Yeah, I jog. Ain't no thing.

Because our free trial at Anytime Fitness is only during their staffed hours, our times when we can actually go to the gym are rather limited. Yesterday they were only open until 1 pm and we didn't get a chance to go even though I was really looking forward to it.

Sad Panda.... Because I still use slang from 2008.

I was already dressed for the gym by the time the boyfriend had called to see what their staffed hours for the day were, and considering how long it takes me to get dressed to leave the house, I was not wasting those efforts.

One Month Blog-iversary!

Yay! It's been one month since I've started être svelte. A momentous occasion, to be sure.

My little blog started as the random rantings and ravings of some anonymous girl into the vast, cavernous depths of the internet.

You have no idea how happy I am to have such lovely followers. I couldn't ask for a better audience - I am, to be perfectly honest, surprised that I even found an audience to listen to me blather on such a regular basis. ;)

So thank you, lovelies, for making my blog what it is today.

Kitty Rage! By which I mean cuteness.

Yesterday, whilst taking a rather mundane smoke break on the back patio, the boyfriend spotted a cat.

I also had a test due last night. With a separate 20-minute timed essay portion.

Needless to say, I had plenty of time from procrastinating in which to create this masterpiece of mediocrity.

I'm in the Witness Protection Program... No biggie.

Thank you all for the lovely comments on my last post! Makin' me blush!

Could I have found a more attractive picture of someone blushing? Certainly.
But I feel like this tubby child is so much more appropriate.

You may or may not have noticed - so I'll just tell you anyways....

Yesterday I started a food diary blog. Because if there's anything I need more right now, it's another outlet for obsessing over what I eat. ;)

It's not super interesting yet, considering it only has one day of intake posted, haha. But the plan is that I'll update it daily with what I've eaten, because, y'know, that's why food diaries are effective.

I'm kind of light-headed and sleepy right now. The weather has been changing tremendously just within the course of the day and I'm always rather delicate when it comes to temperature change. Thus, I'm not able to come up with some creative segway into the actual topic of this post. So this is all you're getting as far as transitions are concerned. Awesome.

Recipe of the Week

To start, it's Monday. Weekly weigh-in and progress page update day!

I normally just talk about this in the progress page, but, ZOMG, excited. I've lost 16 lbs so far. Which means that I only have 9 lbs to lose in 9 weeks in order to reach my first goal of 115 lbs by July 15th.

I was wanting to maintain 1.6 lbs/week weight loss, but I've exceeded that. If I do maintain 1.6 lbs/week weight loss, instead of the 1 lb/week I actually need to do, then I can reach my ultimate goal of 110 lbs by July 15th.

ebaogihaomocmcaioehgoiaheojclcjlaciaeomgoiheioaoaeimoeiafhioej. I'm so excited.

Not only have I officially lost 16 lbs since starting this blog, but I've also just gotten my 16th follower. Thanks to all of you who have followed me so far and left me lovely comments. In particular, thanks to Mich, Peridot, and Displayed. It's nice to see that I'm no longer blogging into the empty vacuum of space, hah.

In honor of this momentous occasion - I bring you the....

bargain shopping shall be the death of me

My addiction to Blogger has recently overcome my addiction to Facebook.

Facebook, you will be sorely missed...

And then.

Today.

The tables, again, were turned.

Oh Groupon, how I love thee. Giving me 50% off on things I don't need. Giving me coupons that I've paid for, but may never use. Forcing me, yes forcing me, to spend $200 on - what? Currently nothing. The possibility of a Brazilian wax, oxygen facial, mani-pedi, wine tasting, acupunture, $5 for $10 worth of smoothies.

Be mesmerized by the Groupon cat. I'm pretty sure it has the same powers as Hypnotoad.
ALL HAIL HYPNOTOAD.

Displayed recently had a post about addiction.

Well, this is my addiction. Shopping.

W-w-whattt? No more Adderall?

If you've read my blog before, you've probably noticed that I love Adderall.

Oh hey, good lookin'. You look familiar... Have I seen you somewhere before?
Ah, yes. On my food pyramid. Because you're all I consume.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a federally controlled substance here in the United States - mostly because it's basically the pharmaceutical version of Speed.

It keeps me focused so that I can actually do homework and go to class and not feel like killing myself.

It keeps me awake and helps to counteract the constant drowsiness caused by my other medications.

It generally makes me a productive super-parisienne.love that is capable of cleaning the entire house in an hour, doing a week's worth of homework in one night, and organizing the spice cabinet just for kicks.

Oh, and there's this teensy-weensy side effect.

It's an appetite suppressant. One of the best. It used to be marketed as a weight loss drug before the FDA tsk-tsk-ed them for that and now it's used primarily to treat ADHD/ADD in teens and adults.

frenchy mcfrencherson

Gah. I haven't updated in a while. *guilt*

Had my last day of work Friday, started my summer classes on Monday, roommate finally moved out Tuesday, BLOGGER WAS DOWN ON THURSDAY?! So yes, I've been slacking on the updates.

Busy, busy girl.

Oh, and in-between lots of graduation parties and accompanying binges. Thanks for getting your undergraduate degree and using it as an excuse to make me eat in public, drink sugary alcoholic drinks, and get fat. Much love!

But now that I'm back... I'll update the Progress page for the results from Week 3, which ended on Monday. I'll also finally be able to read your comments and blog posts! Excite.

The other night the boyfriend and I were lounging on the couch. It was 9:00 pm. I had my summer class in the morning at 7:30. We were browsing Netflix on my 360 and that's when we found it:

Mes chères études, or, if you don't parlez vous français, Student Services. Spoiler Alert: Don't click read more if you don't, in fact, want to read more...

i want a fanny pack

The other day, as I was on my way to class, I found myself face-to-face, or rather, face-to-back, with a man in saggy purple shorts and a prominently placed fanny pack. Something about this man, with his poor fashion sense and blatant disregard for the fact that it is, indeed, 2011 and not 1999, struck a chord with me. I immediately Facebooked the incidence then forgot about this unfortunate man with his ill-fitting purple shorts and gaudy 90's man-purse. That is, of course, until I started wanting a fanny pack myself. I laid in bed, thinking about the exercise routine I have yet to put into effect (and, knowing myself, will probably never put into effect), and began evaluating my excuses for why I haven't done certain exercises - jogging being one of these.

Jogging
1. I hate running in Soffee shorts because they ride up
2. I'd have to wake up super early to have time for jogging and getting ready for class
3. I'd have to hold onto my keys, cell phone, and iPod the entire time I jogged

ATFLN - because we don't need to spell shit out

If there was an Anorexic Texts From Last Night - which, rest assured, I promptly Google'd to see if this gem is in existence, it's not - I would submit this immediately.

I am officially outraged that ATFLN does not exist. Someone, make this happen.

now.

mini rant ending in doubleplusgood news

If there's anything that I hate more than dentist appointments, it's orthodontist appointments.

At least there's nothing intrinsically embarrassing or taboo about being 20 years old and seeing your dentist. In fact, in most circles I run with, that's an encouraged behavior.

However, braces on adults are like.... Well, they're like braces on adults.

Adults with braces - they all look like this. Even me.

TANOREXIA, now with more bewbs

Oh me, oh my.

My poor, dear bosoms are on fire.

This is the second time this week that I've done this.

The boyfriend and I are on a quest of sorts to make over ourselves before our big move to Miami. We're working out (if you can call it that), eating healthy (restricting), and tanning (becoming lobsters). We shall become beautiful people by the time we move - or hideous, deformed versions of our past selves. Whichever.

On Monday, we were at the tanning salon and it was an unusually crowded day - hello, busy season. We were both put in beds that had literally just been vacated long enough to clean. Room still feverishly hot, scent of burnt flesh wafting in the air.

Mmm, sharing is caring.

"I loathe narcissism, but I approve of vanity."

It's officially May. Two and a half months left until the big move. One week left of work. One month of summer classes starting up soon. And the first two weeks of my diet are almost over.

It's strange. I started this on April 19th. Such an arbitrary date. It did happen to be almost exactly 12 weeks before the date of the move, not that I knew that then. I ordinarily wait for some meaningful time before I start working towards a goal.