It's been a while.
Hello, again, Bloggerland!
I tried the lithium for two weeks and then, successfully, lobbied my psychiatrist to put me on Wellbutrin instead.
I haven't seen a huge change yet, but I've only been on it for a week.
I've also taken a rather huge step in stopping my Vyvanse. While I do have ADHD, I think I've been using amphetamines for a long time as a crutch - especially for controlling my eating.
The first few days were utter hell.
I was constantly fatigued, distracted and felt like I could barely function at work. Not to mention eating everything within sight.
But now that I've gotten past that, I finally feel like my personality is coming back.
I'm not nearly as numbed as I was before - I actually laugh and goof around and feel like myself when I'm at work, which has gone a long way in helping me tolerate my job.
Now that I can't rely on drugs to control my eating, I have to actually pay attention to what I'm putting in my body. I can't just live off coffee with Splenda and one Healthy Choice frozen dinner to get me through the day at work - so I'm starting to plan meals and recipes and have been making, if I do say so myself, some bomb-ass grocery lists.
With this renewed interest in calorie counting, healthy eating, weight loss, etc., the boyfriend and I have been doing our research.
I'm the type of person that needs boundaries.
Huge. frightening. restrictive. BOUNDARIES.
I cannot be trusted to be left alone in a house full of food unless I have some very specific restrictions on what is acceptable and unacceptable for me to shove in my face.
It's purely psychological.
If I tell myself that I can't eat something, for whatever arbitrary reason it may be, then I will magically have the willpower to not eat said item.
Vaguely telling myself that I'm simply "on a diet" does nothing when I'm face-to-face in a brutal stare down with a cupcake.
To that end, we've been watching healthy eating documentaries all weekend on Netflix - hey, my ass may be on the couch, but learning about nutrition is a much more productive use of my ass-on-couch time than watching Portlandia...
So far, I can cross Food, Inc., Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead, and Forks Over Knives off my Netflix Instant Queue.
I feel like I am an educated dieter.
I know the horrors of the meat industry.
I know that a plant-based lifestyle is much healthier than the alternative.
I know all of this - yet I still do not live in that fashion.
I still eat fast food at least 3 times a week.
I still eat processed junk foods.
I still guzzle sugar and fat like a kid with free reign in a Krispy Kreme.
But that is going to change.
I'm turning the boyfriend on to the idea of adopting a vegetarian lifestyle - and he's excited because this means that I'll actually start cooking more.
So far, I have enticed him to the green side with Vegetarian Shepard's Pie, in honor of yesterday being St. Paddy's Day, and Vegetarian Chili with Creamy Corn Bread for lunch today.
He has challenged me to make something delicious with tofu, and, if accomplished, he will join me in living completely vegetarian.
We are also working towards a goal of eventually cutting out all processed foods and living the whole food way.
Instead of my first choice for lunch during a hectic work day being joining my coworkers for Wendy's or Burger King, I'll have the convenient excuse of "I'm a vegetarian" to bolster my willpower to eat something healthy.
The lowest I got from the last round of weight loss was 116 lbs.
I've been back at 125 lbs for the last several months, which is intensely disheartening.
Out of 25 lbs lost, I've gained back 10 lbs.
It's certainly better than going all the way back up to 140 lbs, but it's still disappointing to see the scale going higher.
My new goal is lose 20 lbs by my 21st birthday - June 30th - and drop the scale to 105 lbs.
20 lbs in 15 weeks means that I'll need to lose 1.33 lbs/week, which is completely doable.
I'm back on a 1,200 calorie/day eating regimen and am hoping to get back in the working out saddle.
The boyfriend and I sprung for some tennis rackets the other day and broke them out yesterday for a game of tennis at our complex's courts.
So, here goes nothing!
Wish me luck, ladies!
A bientôt, lovelies.